STOP ASKING ME WHAT STEAM GAMES TO BUY

This is a living steam sale document I will be updating periodically so I can have a link when people inevitably ask me what they should buy. I do not recommend that you buy any DOSBOX or compatibility issue games on Steam, that’s what GOG is for you sillies.

 

Alpha Protocol (RPG)

Why: The jank is part of the charm. Obsidian made it! If you send creepy emails to girls they tell you to fuck off!


Amnesia: Memories (Otome Visual Novel)

Why: Cute idiot boys in glasses who cry (crying not pictured, you have to play for that privilege) (boys not in glasses also cry).


Bad End (Horror Visual Novel)

Why: 

Also it is short (good for people who are busy) and cheap (good for people who are cheap).


Cat Goes Fishing (Cat Goes Fishing)

Why: Because you are a chill cat who goes fishing on a boat and it’s very relaxing. The title is what the game is!


Corpse Party (Horror Adventure)

Why: Because you like violent horror adventure games. If you don’t like violent horror adventure games, you should not buy Corpse Party.


Defender’s Quest (Tower Defense)

Why: Because you like tower defense games with RPG elements. The story is pretty cute. Enjoyable game.


Divinity II (RPG)

Why: Because you want to play a good third person action RPG that nobody knows about for cool points. Also you can transform into a dragon and fly around.


Dragon Age: Origins (RPG)

Why:

And because you want to continue being my friend.


Dragon’s Dogma: Dark Arisen (Monster Killing Game)

Why: There are a lot of games floating around now where you can fight large creatures but none of them have pawns around to tell you what’s going on.

 


Dust: An Elysian Tale (Platformer)

Why: You like very good platformers and are willing to not think too hard about whether this is a game for furries.


Fallout: New Vegas Ultimate Edition (RPG)

Why: Because it’s the fucking greatest goddamn game how do you not own it already?


Grandia II (RPG)

Why: Because you enjoy JRPGs with sometimes goofy voice acting and amazing battle systems.


Grim Dawn (Clicky click click)

Why: Because you enjoy Diablo 2 clones that are superior to Diablo 2. Made by the people behind Titan Quest which also fulfilled this condition.


Gurumin (Platformer)

Why: Because you enjoy cute things and hitting people with sticks.


Half Minute Hero: Super Mega Neo Climax Ultimate Boy & Half Minute Hero: The Second Coming (RPG)

Why: Because you have played enough JRPGs to get the jokes and like action RPGs.


Inquisitor (RPG)

Why: Because you like CRPGs with a lot of text where you can and sometimes must torture heretics.


Legend of the Heroes: Trails in the Sky First Chapter & Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky Second Chapter (RPG)

Why: Because Estelle is the greatest, that’s why. Or maybe you have a lot of time on your hands? Great games, but the second is 60 hours long even if you don’t do all the things (I did all the things).


Knights of the Old Republic 2 (RPG)

Why: Because it’s probably the best Star Wars story out there and has all the good points of an Obsidian game even with the rushed ending I will always hate LucasArts for forcing.


Might & Magic: Clash of Heroes (Puzzle Strategy RPG)

Why: Because it’s a sorta RPG puzzle strategy game with a super fun battle system. Plays well in small chunks and I’ve heard that the multi-player is very good but that would require human contact which is frightening even over the internet.


One Way Heroics (RPG)

Why: Because you enjoy running to the right and dying over and over. Yes, folks. It’s a rogue-like.


Ray Gigant (RPG)

Why: Because you’re looking for a pretty easy dungeon-crawler with great art. And you don’t want to get 100% because the PC achievements are broken (RIP Leo’s 100%).


Reus (World Building)(/h3>
Why: Because sometimes you need a world builder that seems simple but is actually pretty complex and can be played in small chunks when you need to drool on yourself in the evening.


The Royal Trap: Confines of the Crown (Otome Visual Novel)

Why: Because you have always wanted to be in a scandalous relationship! It’s not that kind of trap.


Space Channel 5 Part 2 (Rhythm)

Why: Because it’s Ulala’s swinging report show?!?!?! The best game Sega has ever made, don’t talk to me about any hedgehogs thanks.


Sword of the Stars: The Pit (RPG)

Why: Because you like rogue-likes that you will never beat.


Tales of Symphonia (Best Game) (RPG)

Why: Because it’s my favorite game in the Tales series and you want to please me.


Tropico 4 (Banana Republic Builder)

Why: Because tt’s the best of the Tropico games, which are the best city building simulators around right now. It’s a great $/time value, take it from me:


Wasteland 2 (RPG)

Why: Because you want to play a game where you can’t rescue everyone in a nuclear wasteland. Sounds familiar!


Ys: The Oath in Felghana (RPG)

Why: Because you’re into redheads in their first jumping adventure! Action RPG that is much more action than RPG, many of the boss fights are put together pretty similarly to a SHMUP actually. Also, it has a fab soundtrack.

What I’d Want on a “Mini SNES” That is Somewhat Realistic

Since Nintendo is releasing a “Mini NES” with 30 games built in aimed at not the people buying a WiiU I decided to immediately move on and think about the 30 games I’d want on the “Mini SNES” that doesn’t exist, but should.

These are all games that I think have a chance of existing on such a console, which means anything Square-Enix is using to make money elsewhere isn’t included. I just find it hard to believe they’d put (for example) Final Fantasy VI on an inexpensive home console when they’re trying to get people to buy a (not super good) version of it on Steam for $16. And so on.

  1. Axelay
  2. Breath of Fire
  3. Breath of Fire II
  4. Castlevania IV
  5. Contra III
  6. Darius Twin
  7. Demon’s Crest
  8. Donkey Kong Country
  9. Donkey Kong Country 2
  10. Earthbound
  11. F-Zero
  12. Gradius III
  13. Harvest Moon
  14. Kirby Super Star
  15. Kirby’s Avalanche
  16. Kirby’s Dream Land 3
  17. Legend of the Mystical Ninja
  18. Link to the Past
  19. Lufia and the
  20. Lufia II: Rise of the Sinistrals
  21. Phalanx
  22. Pocky & Rocky
  23. R-Type III
  24. Super Mario All Stars
  25. Super Mario Kart
  26. Super Mario RPG
  27. Super Mario World
  28. Super Metroid
  29. Wario’s Woods
  30. Zombies Ate My Neighbors

Quick Blurbs on Games From 2015 That I Liked

I don’t ever play enough games that come out in the calendar year to make a real top 10 (see: my haha I bought these and didn’t play them list at the bottom), so instead I like to put together lists of things that I played and liked. With that in mind, here are 10 games that I played and enjoyed in 2015, that came out in 2015. If this were games I played through in 2015 that came out in any year, the list would be different.

Atelier Shallie: Alchemists of the Dusk Sea – My love of the Atelier games is well known, and any entry that is better than Atelier Iris 3 (that is all of them) is bound to get on my “enjoyed games” list. Shallie is the last in the last game in the Dusk setting and ends on a hopeful note, which is good because I just spent three games trying to save a dying world. Like Atelier Escha and Logy it features two mostly the same but different in parts paths for you to play through, this time two young ladies named Shallie who wind up working together to figure out why all the water in the world is drying up (it starts out smaller than this, of course). The gameplay is the same, you complete tasks in a given period and toss a bunch of stuff together in a pot to do alchemy. If mixing a bunch of stuff together to try and get different/the best results sounds enjoyable, Atelier games are probably for you. The time management aspect has eased up greatly since the Arland series so if you hate that, it’s not present the same way.

Bloodborne – I haven’t finished this, because I am stuck on a boss, because I am bad at crowd control, and then I got distracted by other things like my cats. I stopped playing Demon’s Souls when I got stuck in an area and never went back (the Tower of Latria) because I felt like the game was just screwing with me, but Bloodborne is different. Things can be tough but they are generally manageable and if you are patient, you can work through them eventually (in a past life I beat Shadow Tower so I am a case study in patience with games). Beating the bosses is very satisfying.

Like all (and I mean all) From Software games, you’re navigating a world they don’t really bother telling you much about and I found Bloodborne the most compelling. You’re dumped in a mostly ruined city where people are turning into werewolves, mostly, but other stuff is going on too. There’s a school full of current-slimes-former-people and just not really any information on why that happened. It’s normal, you’re the hunter (which is of course not as straight forward as it seems), just go with it.

Cat Goes Fishing – This is a game about a cat that goes fishing, on a boat. Sometimes he also catches hats. You sell the fish you catch and get new rods and boats that go further out so you can catch new and different fish. It’s a very simple, relaxing game that I enjoy playing when I need to chill out for a bit. I haven’t caught a shark yet, but I will.

Citizens of Earth – Made by a group of people who clearly love Earthbound, Citizens of Earth embraces the feel of the Mother series but doesn’t attempt to do a 1:1 copy which is probably why it succeeds. With a whacky story (you are the Vice President of the United States and have to figure out what is going on with some aliens), the Earthboundiness comes out in the battle system where you have unconventional attacks and text. Besides that, the game is really more of a party recruitment title and a standard JRPG but done very well. If you are looking for something off kilter but doesn’t go off into the whack whacky lands, this is for you.

Crypt of the Necrodancer – This is a rhythm roguelike where you dance around levels and die a lot and cry and then you beat an area and you drink until you passout in celebration. Or at least this is my experience with the game. It’s more fun than it sounds. It is in fact, a whole lot of fun and features a rad soundtrack. If you enjoy rhythm games and also dying a lot in games (it’s a theme for me!), you will enjoy necrodancing. Everyone is making roguelikes now (when they’re not making metroidvanias anyway), so you should support the ones that are executed well with actual unique gameplay.

It’s easier to show than explain the gameplay, so please enjoy the following:

True story: I was in Japan when this game came out and asked my husband to buy it for me so I wouldn’t miss the launch discount. It was definitely worth all of the money he paid.

Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky SC – I waited so long for this game. I waited so long for this game. I have many thoughts about it which will go in its own post but this is the co-LeoGOTY and an extremely JRPG story in a good way.

Just to get one thing out of the way: Although Trails SC is so JRPG it hurts, the battle system is not turn-based in the traditional way. What I mean is, it’s tactical combat where you can run out of movement points and not execute an action in a turn. You must also wait for magic to be cast. All the Trails games feature this style of combat.

You must play FC (First Chapter/Second Chapter, FC/SC) before this one, but if you like JRPGs you should really play both. You must be willing to devote a big chunk of time to the game, as it is very long and cutting out the sidequesting won’t save much time.

Persona 4: Dancing All Night – I am not a Persona 4 maniac (I still like 3 better), but I am a huge fan of rhythm games (Nintendo if you are reading this please make Elite Beat Agents 2 I will buy 100 copies). I refuse to engage in Hatsune Miku so it’s been a while since I had one to play. While I’d rather have another Ouendan/Elite Beat Agents, Dancing All Night scratches the itch pretty well and includes a visual novel type story if you are into the whole Persona4verse. Since there’s an idol on the comeback trail it actually makes as much sense as it possibly could when you consider that the objective is dancing away evil.

Pillars of Eternity – I backed this Kickstarter at a rather high level due to being a complete nerd in desperate need of cloth maps. If you are a fan of any of the games the people who work at Obsidian created before they were at Obsidian (Black Isle Studios and Troika) then you will absolutely be a fan of Pillars of Eternity. A strong story in a fleshed-out world with very hard combat that takes a while to learn. This is not a “pc revival” like Divinity: Original Sin (which featured a combat system way more JRPG than CRPG), it’s a direct successor to the Infinity Engine games.

Shadowrun: Hong Kong – More of Harebrained’s Shadowrun is a good thing, though it is not as good as Dragonfall: Director’s Cut. It’s always weird when a game is set somewhere like Hong Kong because it falls into certain cultural trappings, but I thought they were fine and it’s Shadowrun so it’s all weird anyway. The big thing in Hong Kong is that they overhauled the Matrix and it is so much better than it was previously that I wish they could go back and

Tales of Zestiria – Much like Atelier games, Tales games are an autobuy for me. If you want to read a lot of words about my thoughts on Zestiria, I have a whole post about them for you! The long and short of it is that it has the best battle system since Graces F and none of the Graces F garbage story and horrible voice acting. It’s very charming with none of the rargh dark edgy story you find all over these days. Not everything in the game is flowers and sunshine even on the good guy’s side but it never gets up its own butt about it which I greatly appreciated.

Games I didn’t play in 2015 but meant to and oh well that’s life:

Age of Decadence, Amnesia: Memories, Code: Realize, Danganronpa: Ultra Despair Girls, Dragon Fin Soup, Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel, Legend of Legacy, Lost Dimension, Norn9, Oreshika: Tainted Bloodlines, Stella Glow, Story of Seasons, Undertale,  Xenoblade Chronicles X

I didn’t play and don’t intend to:

Fallout 4, any multi-player focused FPS games

A Gallery of Mysteriously Inaccessible Doors in Dragon Age 2

I’m replaying Dragon Age 2 after five years at the behest of a friend who said the Legacy DLC was worth it. There are definitely thoughts going on in my brain, but the whole “doors that are unable to open because we just reused the same five maps” is still very much true.

The reason it’s an issue is because the doors just…don’t open. They’re there, you can see on the map there are paths and rooms beyond them but there’s no indication that they’re locked or acknowledgement that they’re unable to be open. You just follow along and then, oh! you can’t go here this time, sorry. Initially I was capturing every one I came across but there were too many to keep it up.