STOP ASKING ME WHAT STEAM GAMES TO BUY

This is a living steam sale document I will be updating periodically so I can have a link when people inevitably ask me what they should buy. I do not recommend that you buy any DOSBOX or compatibility issue games on Steam, that’s what GOG is for you sillies.

 

Alpha Protocol (RPG)

Why: The jank is part of the charm. Obsidian made it! If you send creepy emails to girls they tell you to fuck off!


Amnesia: Memories (Otome Visual Novel)

Why: Cute idiot boys in glasses who cry (crying not pictured, you have to play for that privilege) (boys not in glasses also cry).


Bad End (Horror Visual Novel)

Why: 

Also it is short (good for people who are busy) and cheap (good for people who are cheap).


Cat Goes Fishing (Cat Goes Fishing)

Why: Because you are a chill cat who goes fishing on a boat and it’s very relaxing. The title is what the game is!


Corpse Party (Horror Adventure)

Why: Because you like violent horror adventure games. If you don’t like violent horror adventure games, you should not buy Corpse Party.


Defender’s Quest (Tower Defense)

Why: Because you like tower defense games with RPG elements. The story is pretty cute. Enjoyable game.


Divinity II (RPG)

Why: Because you want to play a good third person action RPG that nobody knows about for cool points. Also you can transform into a dragon and fly around.


Dragon Age: Origins (RPG)

Why:

And because you want to continue being my friend.


Dragon’s Dogma: Dark Arisen (Monster Killing Game)

Why: There are a lot of games floating around now where you can fight large creatures but none of them have pawns around to tell you what’s going on.

 


Dust: An Elysian Tale (Platformer)

Why: You like very good platformers and are willing to not think too hard about whether this is a game for furries.


Fallout: New Vegas Ultimate Edition (RPG)

Why: Because it’s the fucking greatest goddamn game how do you not own it already?


Grandia II (RPG)

Why: Because you enjoy JRPGs with sometimes goofy voice acting and amazing battle systems.


Grim Dawn (Clicky click click)

Why: Because you enjoy Diablo 2 clones that are superior to Diablo 2. Made by the people behind Titan Quest which also fulfilled this condition.


Gurumin (Platformer)

Why: Because you enjoy cute things and hitting people with sticks.


Half Minute Hero: Super Mega Neo Climax Ultimate Boy & Half Minute Hero: The Second Coming (RPG)

Why: Because you have played enough JRPGs to get the jokes and like action RPGs.


Inquisitor (RPG)

Why: Because you like CRPGs with a lot of text where you can and sometimes must torture heretics.


Legend of the Heroes: Trails in the Sky First Chapter & Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky Second Chapter (RPG)

Why: Because Estelle is the greatest, that’s why. Or maybe you have a lot of time on your hands? Great games, but the second is 60 hours long even if you don’t do all the things (I did all the things).


Knights of the Old Republic 2 (RPG)

Why: Because it’s probably the best Star Wars story out there and has all the good points of an Obsidian game even with the rushed ending I will always hate LucasArts for forcing.


Might & Magic: Clash of Heroes (Puzzle Strategy RPG)

Why: Because it’s a sorta RPG puzzle strategy game with a super fun battle system. Plays well in small chunks and I’ve heard that the multi-player is very good but that would require human contact which is frightening even over the internet.


One Way Heroics (RPG)

Why: Because you enjoy running to the right and dying over and over. Yes, folks. It’s a rogue-like.


Ray Gigant (RPG)

Why: Because you’re looking for a pretty easy dungeon-crawler with great art. And you don’t want to get 100% because the PC achievements are broken (RIP Leo’s 100%).


Reus (World Building)(/h3>
Why: Because sometimes you need a world builder that seems simple but is actually pretty complex and can be played in small chunks when you need to drool on yourself in the evening.


The Royal Trap: Confines of the Crown (Otome Visual Novel)

Why: Because you have always wanted to be in a scandalous relationship! It’s not that kind of trap.


Space Channel 5 Part 2 (Rhythm)

Why: Because it’s Ulala’s swinging report show?!?!?! The best game Sega has ever made, don’t talk to me about any hedgehogs thanks.


Sword of the Stars: The Pit (RPG)

Why: Because you like rogue-likes that you will never beat.


Tales of Symphonia (Best Game) (RPG)

Why: Because it’s my favorite game in the Tales series and you want to please me.


Tropico 4 (Banana Republic Builder)

Why: Because tt’s the best of the Tropico games, which are the best city building simulators around right now. It’s a great $/time value, take it from me:


Wasteland 2 (RPG)

Why: Because you want to play a game where you can’t rescue everyone in a nuclear wasteland. Sounds familiar!


Ys: The Oath in Felghana (RPG)

Why: Because you’re into redheads in their first jumping adventure! Action RPG that is much more action than RPG, many of the boss fights are put together pretty similarly to a SHMUP actually. Also, it has a fab soundtrack.

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